Thursday, November 18, 2010

Bigfoot, UFOs, and Conservatives in the Pacific North West

The pioneers who struck out on the Oregon trail were a hardy, fearless bunch of dreamers. Over the years these traits have been passed on to their descendants. To this day you will find many strong willed, gritty, hard working folks in the great state of Oregon. Politically speaking, Oregon is a bit of an anomaly. The political map is about 90% red with a small circle of blue. Conservatives will tell you that the blue circle is Oregon's rectum, while Liberals insist it's the brain. The problem for conservatives is that half of the state's population live in the rectum, I mean the blue circle. The problem for the Liberals is that the brain is surrounded by rednecks, I mean red voters. The political landscape is further complicated by the absurd drive up and pour a sack of ballots into an unguarded box method of voting that is wildly popular here. I plan to go to the grave yard tomorrow and start my voter registration drive. I might just end up liking this voting method after all! So, let's assume that there are still those out there who find none of this particularly troubling. Wait till you hear this! The governor's race this year featured a two time governor from the past (Kitzhaber) running against a former Portland Trailblazer basketball player (Dudley). A scientific poll, conducted by me, of some of my friends who claimed to have voted, revealed that the deciding factor in their voting for Kitzhaber was Dudley's piddly 2.2 ppg performance while playing for the Blazers. One friend stated, "a man who only produces 2.2 points per game has no business running our state!" I was unable to produce a reasonable objection to that statement on such short notice, so I simply nodded in agreement. Now that I have had time to think about it, I should have suggested a game of one on one for the Governor's mansion, but alas, that ship has sailed. Reporting from the land where Bigfoot, UFOs, and Conservatives are seen in equal measure, this is J.R. McLain